A solid marriage takes as much work as a job does. When two people say their vows, they promise to be together in sickness and health. Seeking thrills in an extramarital affair is a distraction—merely escapism.

Not wanting to work on it highlights the person’s lack of willingness to keep the marriage together. If this is his level of commitment to his marriage, not much can be said about your affair, which he probably doesn’t take seriously anyway. You deserve much better and being the other woman shouldn’t be good enough for anyone.

8List all the reasons

If you’re still iffy about why you should end it, it’s time to sit down in isolation, with a pen and paper. Make two columns – good feelings and bad feelings.

Write down reasons that make you want to stay in a relationship and why you wish to break it off.

First write “He’s married” in the “Bad feelings” column. Remind yourself of the terrible things he’s done to you.

Make a note of the times he stood you up, cancelled at the last minute, gifted you a voucher for your birthday, etc.

If the sex is good, remind yourself how you felt when he had to suddenly leave, right after you did it, for his wife’s doctor’s appointment.

If he gifted you expensive earrings, remember the sting you felt when he bought his wife a necklace.

Note down feelings of guilt, about being the other woman, about distracting him away from his real family, etc.

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Just in case the good things about the relationship are more than the bad ones, remember that the first thing you wrote—he’s married—outweighs all the good ones.

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